I’m feeling it. I hate it. I hate feeling sleepy and feeling that gloomy feeling I know so well. It’s like that feeling that you get when someone you don’t know is walking behind you. Science can’t really explain it and I can’t really explain how I know I’ll be getting depressed soon(or already am) but I know. My room is starting to get messy again and partly that’s due to the fact that I’m tired all the time. If I had an illness whose only symptom was fatigue, I would die. Let’s just put it that way because being tired is like part of me. I don’t feel like I’ve had a good night’s rest since I came to this country. But anyways, back to the room situation. I can keep my room clean but most of the time now, I don’t. I don’t have the motivation to put things in their place, not to mention I like things to be laboratory clean or trash can dirty. Both satisfy me but depends on my mood.
My mood lately has been “fuck it” with a dose of “check everything”. So basically it’s like a person that litters and then goes back and picks it up. It’s very comical. I don’t know where I get like this from exactly but life is just stressing me out. I want to do things but I have no money for them and I have no career plan. I. The Planning Beast. Has. No. Career Plans. I still haven’t contacted an air force recruiter to see if the U.S. government would be so kind as to let me enroll. I read somewhere that a very low amount of the U.S. population is able to be in the military. This is mostly due to health conditions and health related problems that can’t be waived.
Anyways, I’m all over the place. I hope I can figure this out some time soon, so I can sleep.