Dysm Experiment

The Dysm experiment is an “experiment” I came up with to help people tell the person they’re dating that they have a mental/physical disorder. Dysm stands for Do You Still See Me. The idea is that you date someone and show them who you are aside from your disorder and then when you think that the relationship will become serious, tell them about that part of you and ask them directly if they can deal with the fact that you may or will always have this.

Step 1: Date someone for 1-4 months(depending on how often you see each other and how fast the relationship is moving). Try to connect with them but NOT fall in love with them. This step is probably the hardest step of all. Not falling in love with them is what will help keep you and them from heartbreak if they cannot handle it.

Step 2: Decide if this is a serious relationship that has potential. If it is, go on to step 3.

Step 3: Buy a box of any size you want(preferably small or medium size), buy paper and a pen. In small pieces of paper write things that someone would possibly have to deal with for the rest of their life if they were to date you. This is where you want to bring your disorder up but also things that you will not compromise on about yourself. Things that are part of you that may never change. Be specific. It is preferable that you write small quotes about what you mean not just one word answers.  Ex. “I may not want to get up from my bed every day.”(Bipolar disorder, Depression), “Sometimes I’ll cry for no reason”Depression), “I may get mad at you for things you can’t control”(Misophonia, Borderline Personality Disorder), “I may need to take medication for the rest of my life”, “If you snore and you can’t fix it, we may need to sleep in separate rooms”(Misophonia), “We may never share a meal without me wearing headphones”(Misophonia)….etc etc.

Step 4: Plan a date at home. Towards the end of the night bring the box out and ask him/her to look into the box, read one piece of paper at a time and when he/she is done put his/her head up. Tell them that they are not allowed to voice their opinion or question what is being read until they have read everything in the box.

Step 5: When they read everything and they put their head up immediately ask them “Do you still see me?”. The reason why no positive things go in or outside the box is because by the time you bring this box out, he/she will have gotten to see your good/positive qualities that they like and have kept them with you for as long as they have. Explain to them why you did this and if these things are things that they can realistically and honestly accept as things that MAY always be a part of you.

Step 6: If they say Yes: Congratulations, you are on the road to finding the one.  If they say No: Congratulations, you too are on the road to finding the one. You do not want to date someone for months or years, fall in love with them, possibly get engaged or married only to have them leave you or cheat on you because they cannot handle the person that you are or can be(depending on your disorder).

Doing this can save you from wasting your time with someone who isn’t for you. Time is a form of currency that no one can save, but you can keep yourself from wasting it.