A lot of people out there can relate to the holiday meh. There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love holidays and those who do not. I am part of the latter. Some people can’t wait for holidays but for the most part, they are just stress triggers for me. I have fond memories of Christmas as a child. We always had a Christmas tree(I got to decorate). We always had a feast worthy of gods(even being below the poverty line). It was a time of the year when you completely forgot who you were. In my culture, it’s like being in a whole different world. People are nicer, you get to eat food that you don’t eat any other time of year, you get to pick out new clothes to welcome the new year(not done in U.S.), you get to drink some amount of alcohol(even if you’re like six) and it’s just a good time….or so it should be.
I moved to the U.S. when I was 10 years old. I moved with my father and siblings. My mother couldn’t come because my parents weren’t officially married and she couldn’t be added to the people that could come with us. Stupid that they couldn’t find a way to add her but I digress. My first year without her was also the worst year of my life(probably). Christmas was always my shit. I loved everything about it but that year my sisters went partying, my dad stayed in his room as he usually did and my brother went to sleep as well. I was there, cold, tree-less and almost giftless, no mom, no friends….nothing. Ever since then, Christmas sucks. As years passed, our family just grew more and more apart. My father cheated on my mom, my siblings started leaving the house, my depression got worse and I made some bad decisions.
Now, that aside…let’s talk about food. Food, candy, liquids and the fucking cold are things I hate about every holiday but especially the fall and winter holidays. I have Misophonia. I can’t deal with that shit. Everywhere I turn there’s a sniffling idiot who just won’t use a damn tissue. There’s that lady slurping her Starbucks coffee and saying “ahh” after every sip. There’s Christmas dinners that I don’t want to attend but do and cry after EVERY SINGLE TIME. It’s just a mess.
Holidays are that special time of the year when Misophonia, Depression and Anxiety all go: “It’s our time to shine”.