My head ushers their names as if prayers on a rosary
Every step of the way had a meaning
I gave them life in a heart they no longer wanted
While I decayed from the strength it took to hold on
I gave him…my trust
Every inch of skin he never touched, he knew
He knew every thought and the prayers I didn’t pray to god but to whatever was controlling me
I gave him… my patience
He swarmed around me like a mosquito
I let him prick…until he drew blood
I gave HIM…my loyalty
Sworn in to love him and accept him
He couldn’t say it back
I gave Her…my unconditional love
The one I was saving for a child
I loved her for existing
She loved me for my reluctance to exist
Until she didn’t.
I’m writing this to help keep a potential panic attack at bay. It’s an homage to all the serious relationships I’ve been in and what I left with them. I can never get those things back because I exhausted them in those relationships. Every relationship needs a combination of those things and I no longer have them.
Sanity Not Included 